Children beware: the Wicked White Widow is back!

Ever eager to prove that whatever commitment to truth they had left is now entirely replaced with contempt for their readers’ I.Q., Mainstream Media #presstitutes happily resurrect the cartoon character known as “The White Widow”, a.k.a. Samantha Lewthwaite, at regular intervals, whenever the time is right.

Today, for example.

Because we all need a good laugh on Sundays. And also because, let’s face it, there’s nothing white audiences like more than a good old “mighty whitey” story, featuring a white hero(ine) who gets accepted in a hostile and exotic environment (after passing some kind of test, needless to say), masters the natives’ skills better than they ever could and ends up becoming their leader. Tarzan. The Last of the Mohicans. Dances with Wolves. What’s your favourite mighty whitey? Mine has to be the White Widow, roaming around East Africa and the Middle East, leader and bankroller – no less – of a bunch of Islamic terror cells (because she’s white, you see).

Thus, since no fear-mongering story featuring I-CIA-SIS, Khorasan or any Reel Bad-ass Arab terror threat could ever be complete without that crucial Hollywood element, Sam Adams, writing for the Mirror – loosely described as a newspaper – finally provides that much-needed angle.

Sam Adams informs us that the White Widow is now in Syria – where else? She is “reportedly training ISIS female suicide bombers in Syria. The 30 year-old Brit – one of the world’s most wanted women – is also thought to be helping the militants with their propaganda campaign. She was also suspected of being involved in the massacre at the Westgate ­Shopping Centre in Nairobi last September, the Star on Sunday reports.”

Of course she is.

And never mind if even mainstream media were eventually forced to admit that CCTV footage from the Nairobi Westgate Shopping Centre revealed that Madame Lewthwaite was never at the scene. That doesn’t even matter because, erm, she was still “involved”. Gotta love that word.

Maybe, erm, maybe she died in the shootout, wondered a newspaper almost exactly a year ago.

Oh no children, fear not, replied another, she escaped through a tunnel, you see, and then was picked up in central Nairobi, where she quickly hopped on a camel and wound up in Somalia, where she became the leader of a Shebab group. With her four kids.

As you do.

So now she is “helping to train suicide bombers [and] providing ISIS with training on how to exploit the media.

There are fears that she may have assisted with the production of the horrifying ISIS beheading videos, showing the murders of two US journalists and British aid worker David Haines.”

Indeed.
Those of you who aren’t yet incapacitated by laughter-induced abdominal ache are urged to view the excellent video below, produced by Jon Ryman. He tells the story better than I ever could.